St Twitters - The Constitution

#StTwitter @StTweetersTrust

The Hospital Constitution
We Are Here - And We Will Care For You AS Best As We Can

StTwitters belongs to the people. All the People, everyone, not just a few smarmy Politicians who turn out sound bytes in an attempt to assure us that HealthCare is safe in their hands – like any of us buy that!

StTwitters sets out to improve our health and wellbeing by giving us all a good laugh, and enabling us all to poke a bit of fun at ourselves.  We are committed to working in a Big Society, to getting Back to Basics, and seeing Health Care through rose coloured specs.

St Tweeters Trust expects all its Cast members to be fully committed, to offer their time and energy for free, which is fair enough because your virtual Hospital is after all totally free, and not being privatised on the sly.

StTwitters maintains high standards of Social Media etiquette and appropriate equality standards. StTwitters is emphatically non racisist, non sexist, secular, and would not want to offend individual on any of these grounds. However, although #StTwitters does not seek to offend, we can’t guarantee that - as our raison d’être is to parody the genre & world of healthcare.

At #StTwitters we promise to not use Management Speak - well actually the Efficiency Office #EffOff may be occassionaly guilty of some the more nauseating lapses: 

• Reach out = Call, email or meet
• Touch base = Contact; see above
• It's on my radar = I'm aware
• Flag up = Make aware of
• Low-hanging fruit = An easily-achievable goal
• It's a win-win situation = It's a good idea
• It's a no-brainer = See above
• Best practice = A good way of doing something
• I'll ping you an agenda = I'll email you with what's happening
• Take it to the next level = Improve it
• Think out of the Box - Have an Idea
• Feed Forward = Feedback
• Key Performance Indicator = Doing your job
• Going Forward = Doing something
• Drill Down - Find Out
• Action = Do it
• End of Play = When its over
• Deliver = Do it
• Issues = Problems
• Stakeholders = The People involved  
• Competencies = Ability
• Optimistic = Totally Unsure
• Paradigm Shift = What the hell is going on
• Cascade = Delegate
• Right Size = Your Fired 

St Twitters – Our Key Principles & Values

Clean Sheets and Towels Water Jugs replenished daily Tidy Patients – Tidy Beds Absolute Silence at Consultant Rounds Obedience Discipline Pristine Uniforms Patient Visiting – Saturday & Sunday only 7.00 – 7.30 pm Damp Dusting Daily  Pillow Case openings facing away from the Ward Door Hats, Belts and Capes 13 inches of sheet folded back on a freshly made bed - plus the wheels turned inwards Hair to be off the collar at all times, fresh hat to be made every day, clean apron and shiny shoes Nurses sleeves are rolled down when off the ward, and using frilly cuffs on it Uniform hem on the knee (Matron would have a fit if they were too long/short) When on night duty, and the sister / matron walks into the ward, you must stand up and remove your cardigan.