The Hospital Inspection - The Report and Recommendations #StTwitters

@StTweetersTrust #StTwitters

#EffOff The Efficiency Office Announces

THE HOSPITAL INSPECTORATE REPORT & RECOMMENDATIONS  

Este Paratus - BE PREPARED 

We are pleased to recive the 

INSPECTORATE REPORT

#StTwitters is commended for running a "Tight Ship" along tried and tested lines and traditions. 

A Role Model for other "New  Fangled" Hospital organisations being inadvisedly mercilessly plugged by second rate "I want a Place in History" Political Cronies 

StTweetersTrust flies the flag for tradition and common sense.

Upstart Politicians and Psuedo Academic Intellectuals and meglomaniac Managers  should take note of #Stwitters example   

INSPECTORATE RECOMMENDATIONS:

1) The immediate re-introduction of Doctors White Coats and Stethoscopes to enable the clear identification of the Parent Medical Profession.

2) The removal of all Male Nurses from general wards and their confinement to appropriate Psychiatric Environments.

3) The immediate introduction of HIGHLY RESTRICTIVE Visitors Hours to reduce the incidence of ill advised family interference in Ward activity.

4) The immediate removal of the School of Nursing from the University and reintroduction of a sensible, task orientated, vocational training.

5) The withdrawal of of all notions of "Evidence Based Practice" and the reintroduction of intuitive generational practice based on sound common sense.

6) The banning of the abominable "Scrubs" and the reintroduction of appropriate Medical and Nurses Uniforms.

7) Banning the use of "trendy and unproven" practices - Intentional Rounding, Pathways, Care Packages and the reintroduction of Back Rounds, Bottle Rounds and Egg White and Oxygen. 

8) Reintroduction of Consultant Teaching rounds founded in ritual humiliation of Medical Students.

9) An immediate ban on Hippie Tree Hugging ideas such as Holistic Care, Patient Empowerment, the Nursing Process and that most heinous invention - The Research Nurse.

10) The abolition of the upstarts at the NMC and reintroduction of the General Nursing Council (GNC) and the State Registered Nurse (SRN) and State Enrolled Nurse (SEN)

11) A regular editorial from Matron in the responsible objective & unbiased National Newspapers - eg. The Daily Mail - to assure the public that, at #StTwitters, the Traditions of the NHS are indeed SAFE IN OUR HANDS. 
  

THE WELFARE OF OUR PATIENTS IS AT STAKE

NHS - SAFE IN THE HANDS OF ST TWITTERS

Christmas at St Twitters - @StTweetersTrust Page coming soon

CHRISTMAS 
@StTweetersTrust

Senior Manager at #EffOff Is NOT HAPPY

BAH HUMBUG!! AUSTERITY RULES OK

YES - Its Coming Sooner Than You Think!

The #StTwitters Christmas Page

Matron does not really approve of Xmas Festivities as they disrupt the normal routines of the Hospital's Wards. However, she will be escorting the Consultants on their festive Rounds and will ensure the Patients and her Nurses are suitably neat and tidy. A nip of Sherry may be permitted, and of course the occasional mince pie. 

It is her eternal regret that patient family members seemed to thing the Xmas was some sort of excuse to gain more access to the Wards. This was of course nonsense and she urged her girls to emphatically resist this and ring the End of Visiting Bell with particular vigour.  She treasured the Words of #StTwitters Patron Saint, the Hallowed Sister Plume - "Interference from friends and family can be highly detrimental to the operation of the Ward."

The #StTwitters Christmas Page - is coming soon.
It will be full of exciting information.

The Xmas Fete

The Xmas Dinner

The Xmas Staff Party
Matron is a little worried by the Fancy Dress Theme

C/O @alisonjhughes 

The Xmas Lunch Menu

The Xmas Off Duty
(Well actually this is already sorted by Matron last Easter - no one has time off at Xmas at all) 
C/O @CalvinMoorley 

Santa visiting the Tweediatric Ward
Matrons Xmas tipple
Decorating Nest Ward
Old P (Head Hospital Porter) stock piling 70% Proof Old Scroggs
AND SO MUCH MORE 

ALL SUGGESTIONS AND MATERIALS WELCOME

Meetings #EffOff Senior Management at @StTweetersTrust

@StTweetersTrust 

The Efficiency Office Announces 

The Hospital Senior Mamagement Meeting Schedule 

For

The Forth Coming Period
(Inspired by Elin Roddy / @elinlowri) 

It's simple; the fact that senior management needed to know was not known at the time that the now known need to know was known or needed.

You've got to get out there and get the get. Got it?

Having identified the problem, 3 Committees were formed. One would study the problem directly, the second would study how other organisations tackled the problem. The third Committee would oversee and coordinate the work of the first 2 Committees to a workable conclusion. The plan worked flawlessly and the Caretaker was assigned to change the bulb. 

You need to feed forward & loop back your integrated monitored capability, drill down & see if it's got legs?

Accepting the Minutes of the Previous Meeting

#StTwitters Nurse Executives Committee

Enjoying a Nice Cuppa C/O @KathEvans2 

The best way to ensure out of the box thinking is to maintain a very small box.

Too busy with blue sky thinking, squaring the circle, reinventing the wheel. Oh Yes

At this moment in time we need to refocus on traction to gain organic growth in strategic vertical markets. Let's do 360 degree feedback.

The #EffOff Committee - Terms of Reference 

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be:

'Meetings.'

Dave Barry

Halloween at St Twitters

@StTweetersTrust

#StTwitters

Hospital Hauntings

The Ghosts of St Twitters
Inspired by @CronDallElmes 

Matron is concerned by Halloween Fever gripping the Staff and Patients

Taking the Late Night Obs may never be the same !!!

HALLOWEEN @STTWITTERS

#EffOff Can see the benefit of keeping patients out of their "Comfort Zone"

#StTwitters Maintains a Professional front

Matron expects a strict Uniform Code on All Hallows Eve

#EffOff Works closely with the responsible media - Objective Reporting 

Quality British Press - International Reputation 

HALLOWEEN AT @StTweetersTrust

YOUR VERY OWN VIRTUAL HOSPITAL

PICK A ROLE

ALL WELCOME

 #EffOff Acknowledges that the Out Patient Waiting List is a Tad Excessive
Out Patients - A Spiritual Experience