Welcome to Project 1860

#StTwitters - BUT

FORGET 2014

Welcome to @StTweetersTrust #EffOff

Project 1860 

Inspired By

"NOTES ON NURSING"
What it is, and what it is not

BY

FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE

PREFACE.

"THE following notes are by no means intended as a rule of thought by which nurses can teach themselves to nurse, still less as a manual to teach nurses to nurse. They are meant simply to give hints for thought to women who have personal charge of the health of others." 

Matron and the Efficiency Office will be implementing "Project 1860" to ensure we return to the cherished values of "Basic & Fundamental" Nursing Care from the Victorian Golden Age.

"A tidy Ward is an efficient Ward. Ensure a major portion of the day is dedicated to correcting the disarray that patients cause."

"Of all the periods in the Hospital  Day, Visiting Time is one of the most pressured & least satisfactory for the busy Nurse."

"A major set back (for Nurses) came with the establishment of the National Health Service in 1948. Give people anything for nothing and they will cease to appreciate it. The NHS Act opened the floodgates to malingerers who had, until 1948, been held in check by decent Victorian values. Now any Tom, Dick or Harriet can march into a hospital, demanding free medical and nursing attention."

THE WELFARE OF OUR PATIENTS IS AT STAKE

Down with the Modernists

"I shall petition for proper nurses headgear, aprons & practical long skirts. I shall be relentless in my fight for lace cuffs"

"Nurse training should be an ideal rounding off to a young woman's education, providing a smooth transition from childhood to motherhood.

"Men in Nursing! Does not the very phrase, this palpable contradiction in terms, strike you with its grotesquerie - and cry to heaven itself for correction."

"The invidious take over of the Nursing Profession by those of the male sex can no longer be borne."

"We all have good reason to regret the extension in visiting hours foisted on us by misguided theorists."

In dealing with difficult relatives, as with difficult patients, a firm approach is absolutely essential. Believe me, attempts to reason with them will only be interpreted as weakness.

Project 1860 

A RETURN TO TRADITIONAL VALUES AT 

#STTWITTERS

And Never Forget the #ConDem NHS Motto

"Did you hear about the NHS Staff who died and went straight to hell? It was 2 weeks before they realised they weren't at work."

@BartonTD

#StTwitters Fans 

It was Christmas Day at St Twitters

 

It was Christmas Day at St Twitters
The merriest day of the year
The Patients and the Staff
Were all assembled there

In Nest Ward there came the Christmas pudding
When a patients voice that shattered glass
Said, "We don't want your Christmas pudding
So stick it
there with the rest of the unwanted presents"

The Efficiency Office Senior Manager then arose
And prepared to carve the duck
He said "Who wants the parson's nose
And the Patients shouted
"you have it yourself sir"

The Hospital Chaplin  brought his bible
 And read out little bits
Said one Old Patient at the back of Nest Ward

"This man gets on 

very well with everybody"

The Senior Matron then began
To hand out Christmas parcels

The Patients tore the wrappers off
And began to wipe their
eyes, which were full of tears

Then Matron rose to make a speech
But just before she started
The Ward Staff Nurses
Gave three loud cheers and then they all
nearly choked themselves

And all the St Twitters Nurses then began
To pull their Christmas crackers
One Male Nurse held his too low down
And blew off both his
paper hat and the man's next to him

A steaming bowl of white bread sauce
Was handed round to some
An aged Patient called aloud
"This bread sauce tastes like
it was made by a continental chef"

Mince pie with custard sauce was next
And each received a bit
One Patient said "The mince pie's nice
But the custard tastes like
the bread sauce we had in the last verse !"

The Consultant started dishing out the food
And dropped custard down his front
He cried "Aren't I a silly man"
And all the Patients answered "You're a 
perfect picture of Professionalism as always Sir!"

"This pudding ", said the SHO 
"It's solid, hard and thick
how am I going to cut it ?"
And the Patients with one voice cried "Use your
penknife sir, the one with the pearl handle"

The Matron asked the St Twitters Chaplin
To entertain his flock
He said "What would you like to see?"
And the patients cried "Let's see your
conjuring tricks, they're always worth watching"

"Your Reverence may I be excused?"
Said one benign old chap
"I don't like conjuring tricks
I'd sooner have a
carol or two around the Nurses Station"

So then they all began to sing
Which shook St Twitters walls
"Merry Christmas!" cried Matron
And the Patients and Staff shouted
"Best of luck to you as well"