It was Christmas Day at St Twitters

 

It was Christmas Day at St Twitters
The merriest day of the year
The Patients and the Staff
Were all assembled there

In Nest Ward there came the Christmas pudding
When a patients voice that shattered glass
Said, "We don't want your Christmas pudding
So stick it
there with the rest of the unwanted presents"

The Efficiency Office Senior Manager then arose
And prepared to carve the duck
He said "Who wants the parson's nose
And the Patients shouted
"you have it yourself sir"

The Hospital Chaplin  brought his bible
 And read out little bits
Said one Old Patient at the back of Nest Ward

"This man gets on 

very well with everybody"

The Senior Matron then began
To hand out Christmas parcels

The Patients tore the wrappers off
And began to wipe their
eyes, which were full of tears

Then Matron rose to make a speech
But just before she started
The Ward Staff Nurses
Gave three loud cheers and then they all
nearly choked themselves

And all the St Twitters Nurses then began
To pull their Christmas crackers
One Male Nurse held his too low down
And blew off both his
paper hat and the man's next to him

A steaming bowl of white bread sauce
Was handed round to some
An aged Patient called aloud
"This bread sauce tastes like
it was made by a continental chef"

Mince pie with custard sauce was next
And each received a bit
One Patient said "The mince pie's nice
But the custard tastes like
the bread sauce we had in the last verse !"

The Consultant started dishing out the food
And dropped custard down his front
He cried "Aren't I a silly man"
And all the Patients answered "You're a 
perfect picture of Professionalism as always Sir!"

"This pudding ", said the SHO 
"It's solid, hard and thick
how am I going to cut it ?"
And the Patients with one voice cried "Use your
penknife sir, the one with the pearl handle"

The Matron asked the St Twitters Chaplin
To entertain his flock
He said "What would you like to see?"
And the patients cried "Let's see your
conjuring tricks, they're always worth watching"

"Your Reverence may I be excused?"
Said one benign old chap
"I don't like conjuring tricks
I'd sooner have a
carol or two around the Nurses Station"

So then they all began to sing
Which shook St Twitters walls
"Merry Christmas!" cried Matron
And the Patients and Staff shouted
"Best of luck to you as well"