Matrons 4 Point State of StTwitters 4 Point Statement

Matrons 4 Point State of StTwitters Statement

At this time of year, in that moment between the Festivities of Yuletide & New Year and the arrival of Spring

I Reflect

The days are dark, the weather inclement, and the Politicians and Hospital Managers are (as always) inept

And it is clear that our colleagues at the #NursingTimes need to change their Communist attitudes to respond to the crisis that we (Nurses) face in 2014.

At St Twitters it is my charge to see my devoted team of Nurses as well disciplined, neat, ordered, busy and appropriately subservient to our Medical Masters. 

What is clear to me is that we are, as Nurses, are at a cross roads.

In the Year Ahead we have a mission - and I challenge you with the following 4 Point Plan :

Firstly - we must challenge the upstarts at the so called Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) who are constantly bringing our noble profession into disrepute with their constant ill-informed prattling. It is clear that this self appointed government committee quango is comprised of a group of left wing vegetarians who have as much understanding of Profession and Discipline of Nursing as a 1st Year introductory Nurse.  Revalidation? Do they not understand that the proper Nurse is steeped in a tradition, in the rituals of our noble profession that have been tried and tested over generations. I will NOT tolerate my Nurses being exposed to so called modern new fangled and quite frankly silly testing of the profound skills handed down from generation to generation of nurses - how dare they!

May I suggest that these quasi 'manager' nurses who purport to "advise" our noble profession report to Nest Ward at St Twitters, in appropriate Uniform, and undertake a more testing busy shift on Bottle Round and Sluice Duty. This will SURELY restore a sense of the fundamentals of nursing in practice and brush away this propensity for constant irrelevant bureaucracy and paper work.

Secondly - the so called Royal College of Nursing and its atrocious promotion of MEN in Nursing. I can only be amazed the organisation that regulates our beloved profession still promotes the inclusion of the male species to our ranks. If I may quote my spiritual leader and moral compass - Sister Angela Plume - the Patron Saint of St Twitters:

 "Men in Nursing! Does not the very phrase, this palpable contradiction in terms, strike you with its grotesquerie - and cry to heaven itself for correction."

If we are prevent our beloved profession of Nursing from sinking into the mire of political correction and equality it is essential that we all insist on the immediate removal of all males from the noble identity of State Registered Nurse. Let them return to the ranks of Orderly's and Portering where they justly belong. It is Women, the gentle but dominant sex, who are the natural order, the bedrock, of our beloved Nursing Profession. 

Thirdly - we must stand steadfast against the ignorance of our so called political elite. The dullest of Introductory Block Nurses knows that Politicians have not the least glimmering of the needs of the patient, and more importantly the Hospital and its Wards, in delivering good Nursing Care. Away with them. It is time that our Hospitals were removed from the remorseless  bureaucracies of the Political Class, and placed safely into the hands of our Doctors and their Nurses who appreciate more fully the practice and customs of our proud traditions and Institutions.

Finally- we must stand united against the ludicrous interventions of the left wing radicals and usurpers, the so called educationalists, academics and researchers who seek to undermine the very foundations of our beloved Nursing Profession. Our proud traditions, our uniforms, our admiral subservience and discipline, at risk from this dangerous new socialist dogma. Away with them - we will not tolerate this at St Twitters.

At St Twitters we offer a vision for the future. A vision steeped in the traditions and lessons f the past

I humbly offer my plan for immediate implementation

Matrons 4 Point Plan for the NHS 
&

St Twitters