The Hospital Inspection - The Report and Recommendations #StTwitters

@StTweetersTrust #StTwitters

#EffOff The Efficiency Office Announces

THE HOSPITAL INSPECTORATE REPORT & RECOMMENDATIONS  

Este Paratus - BE PREPARED 

We are pleased to recive the 

INSPECTORATE REPORT

#StTwitters is commended for running a "Tight Ship" along tried and tested lines and traditions. 

A Role Model for other "New  Fangled" Hospital organisations being inadvisedly mercilessly plugged by second rate "I want a Place in History" Political Cronies 

StTweetersTrust flies the flag for tradition and common sense.

Upstart Politicians and Psuedo Academic Intellectuals and meglomaniac Managers  should take note of #Stwitters example   

INSPECTORATE RECOMMENDATIONS:

1) The immediate re-introduction of Doctors White Coats and Stethoscopes to enable the clear identification of the Parent Medical Profession.

2) The removal of all Male Nurses from general wards and their confinement to appropriate Psychiatric Environments.

3) The immediate introduction of HIGHLY RESTRICTIVE Visitors Hours to reduce the incidence of ill advised family interference in Ward activity.

4) The immediate removal of the School of Nursing from the University and reintroduction of a sensible, task orientated, vocational training.

5) The withdrawal of of all notions of "Evidence Based Practice" and the reintroduction of intuitive generational practice based on sound common sense.

6) The banning of the abominable "Scrubs" and the reintroduction of appropriate Medical and Nurses Uniforms.

7) Banning the use of "trendy and unproven" practices - Intentional Rounding, Pathways, Care Packages and the reintroduction of Back Rounds, Bottle Rounds and Egg White and Oxygen. 

8) Reintroduction of Consultant Teaching rounds founded in ritual humiliation of Medical Students.

9) An immediate ban on Hippie Tree Hugging ideas such as Holistic Care, Patient Empowerment, the Nursing Process and that most heinous invention - The Research Nurse.

10) The abolition of the upstarts at the NMC and reintroduction of the General Nursing Council (GNC) and the State Registered Nurse (SRN) and State Enrolled Nurse (SEN)

11) A regular editorial from Matron in the responsible objective & unbiased National Newspapers - eg. The Daily Mail - to assure the public that, at #StTwitters, the Traditions of the NHS are indeed SAFE IN OUR HANDS. 
  

THE WELFARE OF OUR PATIENTS IS AT STAKE

NHS - SAFE IN THE HANDS OF ST TWITTERS